The day I lost my cool

Hais… I have a cane at home and it was more for a show than to serve its actual purpose. Those times that Mr. Cane came out, it was merely to frighten the little boys into better behaviour or to stop a dangerous act.

On that evening, I lost my cool. You see, Jonathan has started to fuss over a lot of things. He wants to choose the clothes he would wear, he wants to decide what he likes to have for dinner etc. In short, he wants what he wants and when he doesn't get what he wants, he goes into a crazy tantrum throwing mode with incessant crying, kicking and screaming.

That particular evening, I came home after feeling being cooked in a pressure cooker, work has been under intense pressure with tight timeline. I wanted a quiet dinner, a warm bath and then to work with the boys on their learning. But things didn't go as planned.

After his bath, he insisted on a sleeves home t-shirt which unfortunately, all of it went into washing. Because of his insistence of wearing only sleeves t-shirt at home and he changes clothes very quickly, the washing has not been able to keep up and the plain cotton tees which he likes from Mothercare has been Out of Stock for a very long time.

I tried to offer him other alternative, let him see for himself the empty drawer yet it didn't prevent a meltdown. I first talked to him calmly, explaining and letting him choose from alternative but the crying just got louder. Then I warned him to stop his nonsense but it went into deaf ears.

I took out Mr. Cane and issued a final warning and the next thing I knew, I gave him 2 hard strokes on his thighs. He was shocked and everything just went into black deep hole. The whole evening was ruined.

the cane mark left on the next day

I became incoherent. I was scolding and shedding tears. I was angry and heartbroken. The mood did not get any better the next day. I saw the fiery red marks left on his thighs. I was upset, very upset that I couldn't eat. 打在儿上，痛在娘心。Upsetting long weekend.