Matter of the Heart
I read this article from Woman's Weekly (May 09 issue) - "My lover's wife came knocking at my door"
Can easily guess is a love triangle and is more complicated since 2 parties are actually husband and wife with 2 teen children, also the 3rd party has a 16 years difference in age with the man. Well, the article ended with the 3rd party is still seeing the man and the man still married to his wife. This love triangle has gone beyond 2 years since then.
I tried to analyze the different perspectives of the man, the wife and the 3rd party.
Who is the real victim? Ah... most will say is the children. I agree too. Very often in such marriage breakdown, the children suffer the most and I believe the pain is even more when there is no clear decision.
I won't push the blame entirely on the 3rd party because you need 2 hands to clap. But the wife is not entirely blameless too. In a relationship, when 2 are closely bonded, there is no way a 3rd party can intervene. Only when the relationship starts to crack, is easier to be tempted.
I'm not married yet but I can think of a dozen reasons why a marriage can breakdown. Some of the top reasons include in-laws problem - the husband caught in between the wife and his mum. Or the wife starts to evolve her life around the children only. Or the wife is so into the motherly role, that she starts mothering her husband which brings about unpleasant traits most of the time eg. nagging.
To set expectations right, I have voiced out my concerns to my husband-to-be so that he is very clear on what's my stand, what I can give and take.
Husband has an important role ensuring the wife is well received by his family members. The mother will never be angry with the son. The siblings won't be angry with their brother. But they can bear a grudge against the daughter-in-law, the sister-in-law.
During our marriage prep course, our Pastor asked us a very simple question. "When did your courtship end?" While we were frowning away, trying to remember, he gave us this advice. Even when you are married, you should still behave like you are in a courtship. Only then, you are able to keep your romance alive.
Recently, a friend revealed how she planned a surprised anniversary date for her husband. Took him to a surprise dinner and gave him a gift, in return the husband did not do anything. She admitted she is disappointed at that moment but she quickly reminded herself, that she did all the surprises because she loved her husband and not because she wanted her husband to surprise her.
So love him like you do in your courtship.
Communication always play an important role in maintaining any relationship. If you have an introvert partner who doesn't like to share problems, be sensitive. Assure the person you will always be ready to listen to her/ him. Never just give up and turn angry or impatient. It will just cause the golden mouth to remain shut.
Back to the classic question "What will I do if my husband has an affair?"
Answer : Pack and go. The understanding is very clear. The day he chooses to have the affair, he has already given up on the family. So even if he repents, there is no turning back. I cannot live with a person I have no trust in. Period.
Can easily guess is a love triangle and is more complicated since 2 parties are actually husband and wife with 2 teen children, also the 3rd party has a 16 years difference in age with the man. Well, the article ended with the 3rd party is still seeing the man and the man still married to his wife. This love triangle has gone beyond 2 years since then.
I tried to analyze the different perspectives of the man, the wife and the 3rd party.
Who is the real victim? Ah... most will say is the children. I agree too. Very often in such marriage breakdown, the children suffer the most and I believe the pain is even more when there is no clear decision.
I won't push the blame entirely on the 3rd party because you need 2 hands to clap. But the wife is not entirely blameless too. In a relationship, when 2 are closely bonded, there is no way a 3rd party can intervene. Only when the relationship starts to crack, is easier to be tempted.
I'm not married yet but I can think of a dozen reasons why a marriage can breakdown. Some of the top reasons include in-laws problem - the husband caught in between the wife and his mum. Or the wife starts to evolve her life around the children only. Or the wife is so into the motherly role, that she starts mothering her husband which brings about unpleasant traits most of the time eg. nagging.
To set expectations right, I have voiced out my concerns to my husband-to-be so that he is very clear on what's my stand, what I can give and take.
Husband has an important role ensuring the wife is well received by his family members. The mother will never be angry with the son. The siblings won't be angry with their brother. But they can bear a grudge against the daughter-in-law, the sister-in-law.
During our marriage prep course, our Pastor asked us a very simple question. "When did your courtship end?" While we were frowning away, trying to remember, he gave us this advice. Even when you are married, you should still behave like you are in a courtship. Only then, you are able to keep your romance alive.
Recently, a friend revealed how she planned a surprised anniversary date for her husband. Took him to a surprise dinner and gave him a gift, in return the husband did not do anything. She admitted she is disappointed at that moment but she quickly reminded herself, that she did all the surprises because she loved her husband and not because she wanted her husband to surprise her.
So love him like you do in your courtship.
Communication always play an important role in maintaining any relationship. If you have an introvert partner who doesn't like to share problems, be sensitive. Assure the person you will always be ready to listen to her/ him. Never just give up and turn angry or impatient. It will just cause the golden mouth to remain shut.
Back to the classic question "What will I do if my husband has an affair?"
Answer : Pack and go. The understanding is very clear. The day he chooses to have the affair, he has already given up on the family. So even if he repents, there is no turning back. I cannot live with a person I have no trust in. Period.
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