The Apple's Diary!

Why do people want to get married? What's the likelihood that their reason to get married is wrong? How do you know you are getting married for the right reason?

Is moody even the right word to use? Lack of sleep and cannot fall asleep makes me feel so lousy. We are still homeless as of now. This issue has even gone up another level of displeasure between us. Don't even know if wedding bells are still going to ring in Nov. And tomorrow is Monday again. The whole madness is going to start all over again. Lotsa uncertainties. I need peace. PEACE

I read this article from Woman's Weekly (May 09 issue) - "My lover's wife came knocking at my door" Can easily guess is a love triangle and is more complicated since 2 parties are actually husband and wife with 2 teen children, also the 3rd party has a 16 years difference in age with the man. Well, the article ended with the 3rd party is still seeing the man and the man still married to his wife. This love triangle has gone beyond 2 years since then. I tried to analyze the different perspectives of the man, the wife and the 3rd party. Who is the real victim? Ah... most will say is the children. I agree too. Very often in such marriage breakdown, the children suffer the most and I believe the pain is even more when there is no clear decision. I won't push the blame entirely on the 3rd party because you need 2 hands to clap. But the wife is not entirely blameless too. In a relationship, when 2 are closely bonded, there is no way a 3rd party can intervene. Only when ...

When we started our wedding preparation, we decided to skip the banquet. One reason being we find it absolutely troublesome to arrange such a banquet. We have this vision of having our wedding very simple and straightforward. Church wedding and a dinner buffet and that's it! But is far from " that's it" ... as I probe further into the bottomless pit, the cost is ever increasing! We have exceeded our budget for our bridal package and photography. If we were to breakdown on our bridal package, it will be probably 100% more expensive than a regular package, considered there's no evening gown in our package. But the good thing is we get along well with the designer and can trust him to come up with a super lite gown that still has the "wow" factor on me. No, I don't get to keep the gown even though the gown is designed from scratch and tailored from scratch. Photography. Blame it on my "expensive" pair of eyes. I fancy those arty farty shots wi...

I am so glad I didn't choose the wrong movie to watch. Handsome Suit is so funny and so heart warming. The story tells us to be true to ourselves and appreciates the small little things that are actually moments of happiness! Moments of happiness... no matter how trivial the matter can be, it can still be a moment of true happiness! I think it is a good game to play when you are feeling moody and down. Find the moments of happiness and capture it! And the theme song "My Revolution" by Misato Watanal is so catchy! Such an upbeat song to match this funny movie. Worth watching! Loved it!

" A person is not a failure because she tried some things that did not work out. She fails only when she stops trying. " Quoted from "The Confident Woman" by Joyce Meyer

Haven't posted my blog with pix for a long time. Haven't seen the 2 babies for quite sometime too. Last Sunday, finally got a chance. I'm glad they can still remember me. Kai Xuan is 9 month old now. Just think that she is the female version of her brother, fat baby. Don't they look alike?

I wonder what's wrong with me? How long more I have before I am to sign on the dotted lines? Yet, I find myself wavering in and out. Last week, I told my friend that I was amazed how things flow smoothly for the celebration. I got my helpers in place, the worship band formed, invites done etc. Yet, during this long weekend, my mind seemed to run in the opposite direction. I picked on the details that he didn't do. I insisted that he is not truthful to himself, hence the possibility that this is not what he wants. He, on the other hand, is exasperated. He cannot fathom why I am so unhappy. Maybe he understands what I am saying but just cannot understand the big deal behind the issue. Sometimes, I find myself being cruel towards him. I don't know how many times did I mention the possibility of not going ahead with our plan. Yet, he never wavers in front of me. Perhaps it is his tenacity afterall that is holding our relationship together.

Finally there's a breakthrough for me at work. I spent last night, trying to encourage myself with God's words. Repeatedly reminded myself that by God's grace, I will get through this situation. "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12 While I was waiting for my result, I quickly said a prayer, proclaiming that God is in control of the situation and He can make the impossible become possible. So when I saw the final outcome, I was just so flooded with emotions. Overwhelmed by God's answered prayer, I am even more convicted that God is Almighty Lord! Amen! He who does not forsake me but quieten me with His presence. He who in His time makes everything alright. I thank God for His grace who makes my impossible become possible. Let my lips forever sing praises to Him, my Lord Jesus! Amen!

My work is really bothering me alot. My project dateline is looming just above my head and suddenly my experiments just failed to work. "Suddenly" is the right word to use. i was doing my experiments well, getting result and all of a sudden, there's the problem of degrading antibodies. Then it was the protein samples problem. Order new antibodies in, get new samples. All set to go. Then the equipment and the buffers had some problems. Troubleshoot it and ready to go again. And realized that the new antibodies is of such a poor quality that I couldn't even use them. Is there any more bad news for me? Of course, I'm dejected. I'm disappointed and frustrated. Each set of experiments took 2 days to complete and no result in the end. I take pride in my work and this is really getting onto my nerves. I'm really troubled. A lot of "why me?" in my head. But in the midst of these frustrations and stress, I just have to persevere on. I believe when everyth...

Is about 2 more days to Good Friday. I know there are many people waiting for a miracle, including myself. I'm waiting for a miracle to happen at work. Waiting for the moment I can relieve myself from the enormous big stone. Samuel and his family, waiting for the miracle too. The miracle that Samuel will open his eyes. We are waiting but we are hopeful in Christ.

Can I drop the big stone in my heart tomorrow? Waiting is the toughest period. You cannot be certain what's going to happen and you cannot do much except to wait. Wait... Waiting... .....

In Saturday's Straits Times, under the Home section, there was a report on "Good Samaritan knocked down by taxi" Samuel Chua, 22 was knocked by taxi when he stopped his car behind a bus-car collision to offer his help. Little did he known his act of kindness would land him in hospital, in critical condition. I don't know Samuel personally nor any of his family members. I just got to know that Samuel was from the same congregation as I. Though not on a personal term, it was equally heartbreaking to know a young man is fighting for his life. He's waiting to be accepted to MDIS for his degree. Furthermore, he got knocked down because of his kind intention. We cannot comprehend nor know why does God allow such tragic accident happen. But we can still place our hope and faith in God. We can trust in God that He is already working on Samuel's broken body now. So Samuel, perseveres on and wake up soon! We are all praying for you and may the presence of God be within ...

Yesterday I went for a gathering at the bridal house. As you probably know or may not know, I signed up with Vaughn Tan to design my gown. He's a very easy going and friendly person. From his bridal house, I got to know this group of girls who had their gowns done by him as well. So as time passed by, everyone sort of bonded quite well and held a few gatherings now and then. Last night, we had a newcomer. Actually it was a he, rather than she. Yup, the groom-to-be actually joined in our gathering. When I first met him, I thought he strike a resemblance to someone I know. It was a short while later, I got the connection or at least where the familiarity lies. New groom-to-be resemblances my senior from school. The same dark wavy hair, the small frame, the same hairy arms, the kind of nonchalant attitude. But no, they are not the same person. My senior, let's call him J. He should have graduated from Harvard by now with his PhD. Was it in 2005 he went to Harvard to pursue his dre...

The volatile market has impacted my life quite a bit. Definitely, top on my list is job security. Although I am fortunate to have a stable job which is not easily shaken by the economy, Darren is not that fortunate. He is facing a dilemma and a choice has to be made by Good Friday. Whatever decision is made, it will definitely have some consequences on our wedding, our housing and our future. I don't have any good advice for him, perhaps the best is to confide in God and pray about it. While he was still pondering his dilemma a while ago in my bedroom, I picked up my old journal, hoping that I could give him some inspiration. So I flipped through the pages and was amazed on the entries I wrote. It was my testimonials, praising God and thanking Him for the trials I faced, for the blessings I received. I read it out loud to Darren and we shared a moment being absorbed and totally wowed by God's amazing grace. I do hope through this, he will be encouraged and persevered on. I'...

is one of my favourite singers. I was introduced to Ken Hirai by an acquaintance. I love his style of music and his voice. Among his hits are "Life is..." , "missing you" , "the ring" Hitomi Wo Tojite is another nice song by him. I don't understand what he is singing but I guess is must be related to love and relationship. Perhaps Yagiza can help translate the lyrics HITOMI WO TOJITE Asa mezameru tabi ni kimi no nukegara ga yoko ni iru Nukumori wo kanjita itsu mo no senaka ga tsumetai Nigiwarai wo yamete omoi kaaten wo akeyou Mabushi sugiru asahi boku to mainichi no oikakekko da Ano hi miseta nakigao Namida terasu yuuhi kata no nukumori Keshi sarou to negau tabi ni Kokoro ga karada ga kimi wo oboete iru Your love forever Hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo sore dake de ii Tatoe kisetsu ga boku no kokoro wo okisari ni shite mo Itsu ka wa kimi no koto nani mo kanjinaku naru no ka na Ima no itami daite nemuru hou ga mada ii ka na Ano hi miteta hoshizora Neg...

I don't think I posted 800 entries, yet my hit counter showed over 800 hits? How can that be? As far as I know, only a handful of people come to my blog and they formed a single digit. So far, including this entry, I made 66 postings. Unless these people click on my blog at least 10 times a day, that could explain the 800 hits. Nonetheless, thank you for reading my blog. I hope you enjoyed my entertainment so far. Drop by again for the next gossipy news... haha

I'm a dreamer at times, perhaps at least once or twice a day. Frequency increases when reality hits hard. Not surprising, people tend to hide in their caves when they are undergoing difficult trials. I admit I am really quite stress by work. Symptoms of stress have started to surface as physical discomfort. For example, I get stomach upset when I drink caffeinated drinks eg. coffee and tea. I will dream a lot at night, most of the times it's about me lost in direction, snake attacks, depicted of my fear and worries. Besides the night dreams, I day dream as well. About me having nothing to worry about my next meal, I settle myself down with the pastel and do paintings. If not, will be me as a florist or ice cream seller. * I drop the idea of selling desserts as too much work is involved. A lot of ambitions. But not a lot of perseverance. A lot of ideas. But not a lot of practicality. I guess that's why I'm still a dreamer.. time to return to my cave again.