My Mind is Full of worries

Ever since I was preggie, I had constant worry about a dozen things. Now, even with Jonathan at 2MO, I have a lot of questions and worries too.

Like how come he suddenly stop poo-ing daily? And why his poo poo become greenish? Did I not nurse him long enough on each breast so he gets the hind milk more? Why does he become phlegmy again? Why my milk supply suddenly drop so low again? Is he gaining weight okay?

Should I just bring him to a PD and seek out all my answers?

While the helper does all my houseworks, I know eventually she needs to look after Jonathan for that 1-2 hours gap when I return to work. Honestly, I don't like her touching my baby. Called it maternity instinct, I'm pretty much defensive when it comes to carrying or touching my baby. I also dislike her talking gibberish to Jonathan with her limited English.

As much as I dislike this and that, I have to force myself to slowly let go since 1st December is coming REAL soon. So while she plays with Jon, I am still keep watching on her with my eagle eyes. Ready to prone on her for any slight wrong movement she made.

Maybe I am also feeling insecure whether Jonathan will bond with me after I return to work. Afterall when I get home, it is almost his bedtime. So I really cherish this remaining time I have with him. And secretly smug when I know he recognizes my voice and me, having a preference over me than anyone else.