Chest Pain and Beyond

It has been a really difficult period for me, in my work and also in my private life. When I first started blogging, I just wanted an outlet for me to write without any inhibition on any issue that I feel strongly.

But I guess that I made a mistake in the beginning by posting my blog link in my Facebook account. It invited readers, however being a passive Facebook account holder, I didn't bothered to change my settings to tighten up on the privacy issue. So you can guess, not only my friends know about this link but also friends of friends, secondary layer, tertiary layer and way beyond.

I didn't think of this too much since I was not writing fictitious stuff or slandering post. But I forgot that some entries were sensitive because it involved 2nd party, 3rd party and so on. And trouble first started because of someone I didn't even know spread tales that causes strain on relationship. Now, I am more wary on what I am reflecting, especially on private life issues.

So now, while many issues I face are burdening me, I can't let it all out. Yes, I am under extreme stress now. I have to admit the physical symptoms cannot be ignored anymore. Yes, whatever is stressing me up, decisions have been made.

Yes, my decisions are life changing. Tears were shed. Volume were raised. Confession made. Heart was broken. My soul was thrown into despair. My spirit was not lifted up. I was such a despondent until on Sunday. I heard what I needed to hear. I received what I need to have.

Not all my questions were answered. Maybe it is the timing. Maybe it is not in God's plan for me. I don't know. I can only allow my faith in Jesus to take control, to steer me into direction that God has planned for me. I don't ask for more, I don't ask for less. I only pray for His strength to last through every day and His wisdom to let me make a right decision every day.