Not as planned

Life is often not what as planned. We cope with the small bumpers, we lament at the medium-sized bumpers and large-sized bumpers, how do we deal with it? How do we cope with the horrid big C - Cancer that stares us in our face?

I had an episode of 2 lumps scare recently. A routine health screening picked up something which the doctor suggested further checkup might be clearer. So I went, got myself a referral letter to the hospital and what followed on wasn't what I expected. I hadn't expect to go through a biopsy and in the midst of hair-tearing weeks, my herniated disc got inflamed and was bad enough that I was given hospitalisation leaves for a week.

Many thoughts came to my mind while I was trying to ease off the back pain and waiting for my biopsy result. The most predicted question would be how should I settle the 2 young boys? Then there was the spiritual reflection on my life and action. While I was trying to deal with my personal crisis, a friend who I had not seen for a long time, caught up with me and shared with me her past 1+ years of battling with cancer, multiple surgeries and if there wasn't bad enough, she had to go through heartbreaking moment of losing her child. I was lost for words. When I visited her in hospital recently, I was again overwhelmed with emotions. There are too many questions but no answers. There are too many pains which we try so hard to put away. There are the days we couldn't keep our chins up in faith.

Someone told me this - We cannot understand why God allows bad things happen to us. But it doesn't mean He is not in control. There are things we do not see yet, but slowly and surely, we would be able to come through the crisis.

I do not know what I can offer to my friend except prayers and encouragement. Maybe one day, the Lord will open my eyes to the bigger picture ahead.





Footnote : The biopsy result came out and no further follow-up was required. Appreciating my second chance to live right is rather understated. I know I am really lucky, blessed to have scraped past this narrowly. Not everyone has the 2nd chance.