Reform Training

It started with seemingly innocent remark on his noodles. Then it escalated to tantrum just because his clothes was slightly wet from washing hands. Soon we saw our elder boy transforming to an incorrigible preschooler that disregards table manners, became disrespectful to the elders and a bully to his younger brother. 2 Sundays ago, he broke my last straw and I decided on the spot that the 2 boys needed to undergo reform training, under no other but yours truly.

So what was the "last straw" he did? That weekend, the helper was on her off day, so I cooked some udon as dinner. Upon seeing his bowl of udon, he immediately complained why he was given fat noodles and demanded I cooked again. Fine. Then later on, when I got him to write his name, he complained why his name was so long. That was it!

I gave him a long lecture on how he has become, an ingrate brat who didn't know how fortunate he is. Then I banned him and his brother from their toys. Yes, in short, they are not allowed to touch their toys without my permission. Oh why also punished the younger one? Because I want them to learn that they are brothers, they are family. If one is in trouble, the other one should not be standing aside. They must learn that blood is thicker than water. They must watch out for each other, including sharing responsibility together.

For the first 2 days, the elder one didn't believe my extreme measure. He tried taking his toys out to play and swiftly, I picked the toy up and dumped into the bin. The action was a strong signal that I mean what I said.

Then slowly, my "reform training" got them into a new routine. Once they reach home from school, they must wash their hands and legs and eat their dinner. Since after dinner, it is advisable to rest for a while before shower so I do revision with the elder boy. He will have to go through the Berries lesson he was taught, then we will go through the phonics he has learnt from school. Usually we round off with 2 Heguru worksheets and 1 page of writing exercise. That easily takes us 30 minutes or even more. By the time both boys are done with their showers, it would be close to 9pm. This is the only opportunity they have to play with their toys while the adults quickly have their showers.

In the beginning, there would be tears and crying when it was time to put away the toys. There is still slight struggle but I will always tell them, we have agreed on the time frame and they will still have the chance to play if they pack up themselves instead of me doing the job. They learn if I am the one packing up their toys, it would mean straight to the bin again.

And if any one fights because of toys, it's another pack and dump again.

playing in peace

I have to admit it took a lot of perseverance and commitment to send the message across. My hubby was fully supporting me in this "reform training". Some criticised me when they learnt about my reform training, saying I was too harsh and how could I ban them from playing. The children learn through play blah blah blah…

However during this period, I notice those moments when I said no to them on taking their toys out to play, they still played imaginarily. They pretended an eraser was a car, the pencils were the tracks. Their father's shoulder was the bridge. The boys might not recognise this important point, but subconsciously, they have already learnt that playing doesn't required expensive toys. In the long term future, I do hope they can continue to adopt such resilience in their lives. When they bump into a wall, they will learn not to give up but work around to find solution.

Discipline is a delicate balance. I have also realised that cane and harsh scoldings would bounce back to us in their behaviour. Their action is a mirror image of us. So don't I scold them at all? Technically, no. I still rebuke them. But I explain their undesirable behaviour with the consequences and let them decide. Say, the younger boy wants to run away from us in a crowded mall. I would lower myself to his height and establish eye contact. Then I firmly tell him, if he runs off and we couldn't find him. That's it. We might not be able to find him back and if that is what he really wants.

Then some questioned whether they enjoy learning or they are going through the motion so they could have a chance to play. I do inject some new styles of learning every other days to break the monotonous. For example, instead of book to revise phonics, I might take out those magnetic alphabets and randomly revised the phoneme of the letter that was picked. On some days, I swap Berries with Dot Bar to give some exposure in Maths. Instead of marking with a tick on the correct answer or good writing, I single out neat writing and acknowledge with star.

But no matter how tired I am from work, I still do some form of learning or revision with them. So the message is still clear and strong that there is no negotiation or compromise to what is expected of them. Today marks the end of 2nd week in our new routine and the brothers have learnt to comfort each other when one is sad, learn to play with each other peacefully and lastly, I have not heard a single complaint coming out from my elder boy's mouth since then.

Will we ever put an end to this reform training? I guess no. The values we want to instill in them will just carry on and continue. The routine has been established and playing doesn't need expensive toys.


Post Script

After 2 weeks of practising, we saw an improvement in his handwriting.

5 written in the right stroke

He wrote a "5 " first on his own accord. I had a hard time rectifying his strokes a few days ago and he gave me this.

All the Numbers

Then he wrote down the numbers from 1 - 10 without help.

finally...

He wrote down his name on his own. Other kids might have long been able to write competently but we still celebrate his achievement. It was a great effort from him and it took him 2 weeks, remarkable indeed.